*Disclaimer for this post* I have had no more than 5 hours of sleep each night this past week, and it is currently 1 am. I apologize for rambling, or incoherent thoughts, but I must vent!
This past week has been quite a shock to my system. I have never experienced something that has caused this much fear, anger, anxiety, and sadness. The first night after we returned from Thanksgiving vacation to find out house burglarized we stayed at our friends house nearby. We were very thankful that they were home, and willing to open their house to us!
Honestly I wouldn't have cared if we ever went back to our house. This was our first house, and we've done a lot to it since we've moved in to make it ours. It's been a blessing to make this our house while Brandon's in school. Having a home, a sanctuary, a peaceful place to rest and live is very important to me. I don't function well if I don't have that place that I can go to to feel safe and grounded. Now I feel like that has been taken from me, and I don't know if I'll ever feel that way about this house again. Next year we will be moving to Raleigh, and that time can't come soon enough! It will be hard to get past this and still live here for another year. Every time I walk in the door I remember the feeling when we saw our tv gone and the living room a mess. The panic, the shock, the confusion, the anger...and so many emotions I can't even put words to. The feeling of having one of your deepest fears come true.
Last year for Christmas my mom had given us a year of monthly cleaning service. If you know me, you know I'm not the cleanest most organized person in the world. And after having a baby, it really became a struggle for me to get everything done. So this maid service (who are very "merry" but shall remain nameless) has been coming since January. I'm usually home when they are here b/c the idea of someone being in my house when I was not did not settle well with me. There were a few times when I was out of town, so they kept a key at the office. The last couple months the same lady has been coming and a few times she was by herself, and took an unusually long time to finish. This has been a lesson learned in trusting my own instincts. I didn't say anything, and though it seemed a little odd, I as usual talked myself out of it....fast foward to last week and our house is broken into. Well, not exactly broken into, walked right into. The police and us determined the only way they entered the house was with a key, and they locked up after themselves. When you think about, even though the keys are "locked and safe" at the office, what is stopping them from making a copy of the key on their way. It is frustrating to know that I could tell the police 99% for certain who did it or who was involved, but they can't do squat. And they probably won't do squat. All I can pray for is that this lady is questioned by them and gets caught!
Since we know it wasn't "random" and we know who and how the got in, I'm not quite as scared, but it makes me so angry. Angry is not even a strong enough word to describe how I feel. Perhaps I will create a new word.
There are however many things to praise God for in this situation. For one, obviously we were not harmed physically. The people who did this knew we wouldn't be home, and just wanted our stuff. Also, they could have taken much more stuff, including things to steal our identity, but it didn't seem like they were after that. All the things they took were replaceable for the most part. They took our video camera, which for the past year I had been trying to transfer to our computer (which also thankfully, they did not take). The first 17 months of Maddie's life was there. Bringing her home, all the fun milestones, sitting up, crawling, walking, talking. Most of them are gone. Thankfully, last night, I realized that this summer I had attempted to transfer some videos to Brandon's laptop. I thought that it hadn't been successful, but I was able to recover videos of Maddie coming home from the hospital, and her first birthday!
I am also thankful to my husband for hiding my purse so well before we left that even we couldn't find it! I thought that I had put it up in my closet, and the thieves had made a mess in there, so I figured they found it. It had my wallet, and some other stuff (no major credit cards, so that was good). Yesterday I went to get my shoes out of the coat closet, and sitting right underneath my shoes was my purse! I couldn't believe it was there, and that Brandon had set my shoes right on top and didn't see it! Also, I praise God that Maddie is not old enough to remember this, or to even know what's going on. I don't know what I would do if I had to try to explain all of this to her!
The last few nights I have stayed up as long as I can, and have read through most of Psalms. As soon as I lay down to try to sleep my mind starts going, and I can't stop thinking about all that has happened. For the two of you who read this, I would really appreciate your prayers for peace of mind. Since I've started reading Psalms I can feel God calming me and taking away many fears. I would covet all of your prayers!
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